Before I was blessed in meeting my soulmate (via the good old-fashioned, in-person method), I, like many others, embarked into the world of online dating via Match.com. A lot of people are hesitant to admit they tried it, but my theory on the matter was the following: if I can order a pizza, buy shoes, setup doctor’s appointments, apply for jobs, and so many other things online, why should finding a date online be considered strange? Let’s face it, for those who are a bit shy, it is a great way to break the ice when attempting to meet a complete stranger. Plus you can weed out some of the bad apples before they are even remotely close to finding out where you live.
by Joanne Wan
It was only a three-month long journey (thank goodness), but quite an insightful one. After about a month into the process, I began to get a bit cynical, and ended up writing the following list while reviewing winks, emails and search results.
Not showing your face (shades, strategic shadow placement, etc.) makes me wonder what are you hiding.
Who is not really a “nice guy” on this site?
How exactly do you define “separated” while still living with your wife?
Got lucky with that default photo, eh?
I am thinking that the quality of people here vs. at the bar is not that much different.
Trying to sell yourself a little over-zealously there, tiger?
No, I do not want or need a sugar daddy.
Five emails in less than hour after a “No Thanks” and no other reciprocation makes you a psycho!
I wanna date, not babysit.
A nice body is not going to make up for the lack of gray matter upstairs.
What part of “I want to get to know each other via email first” makes you think asking me to meet you on the second message is going to work?
Read my profile first – why would a vegetarian 28 year old in AZ want to date a 50 year old deer hunter in Kentucky?
The Mike Tyson “I am going to pummel you” look does not turn me on.
Mugshots are not hot.
If you are turned off by body art, why are you messaging a girl with a belly ring?
You have sent me that exact introductory email… twice! (This happens quite a lot actually, especially if you change default photos.)
You write like a 5 year old, and I do not date children.
35+ years old allowed only if you are the twin of Clive Owen or Adrien Brody… and single, of course.
Friday & Saturday nights – this date is the best of the litter, or the result of not having anything else to do so you took best last-minute whoever was available.
Sunday nights – Being potentially worn out from great Friday & Saturday, this date isn’t that big of a deal. Or Friday & Saturday sucked and this is the backup plan to save the weekend from being a total bummer.
Monday thru Thursday nights, any afternoons – Friends (or friends with benefits) only, unless one party works at a nightclub or bar.
*Note – Breakfast dates are variable on if they are carried on over from an amazing night before or a “oops, got to drunk to go home and passed out on your floor” night. Breakfasts without either of these qualifiers are usually a “just gonna be friends” dates.
**Also, a little disclaimer. I am not biased against Match.com. It is just the only service I used. eHarmony was my other option, but I am just to ADD to fill out that many questions, which means I would have likely been turned down anyway.